


stay

by remuspolaris (risolyandiwys)



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: A little bit of angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 08:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17220647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risolyandiwys/pseuds/remuspolaris
Summary: Cordelia needs a reprieve from the routine they have fallen into—the one where Misty takes her into her arms and shows her what is means to be loved in every sense of the word and then leaves her alone in a cold bed that feels much too large for just one person.// in which all cordelia wants is for misty to stay.





	stay

**Author's Note:**

> i can’t imagine that this is totally in character but it’s a struggle and i’m working on it
> 
> follow me on tumblr @ remuspolaris

Cordelia Goode lives for stolen moments behind closed doors.

She lives for the moments where she finds herself pressed against her bedroom door with her fingers tangled in wild blonde curls, sighing against parted lips as nimble fingers dance up her thigh and pull her underwear aside so they can fill her completely. And having Misty Day inside of her regularly is possibly the best thing to happen to her. It’s also the worst.

And what has Cordelia become?

Alone? Tired? Desperate? Heartbroken?

All of the above—and that’s her final answer.

Crack open a dictionary. Is her bolded name slotted in the definition for any of these words? Is her picture next to the word like a mug-shot?

And Cordelia does pull a dictionary from the bookshelf and sits back down in the chair behind her desk, fingers slipping between the pages as she opens it. It doesn’t take her long to reach the word  **Alone**  and there it is—her face takes up an entire page and her name is listed as the meaning of the word.

Cordelia blinks once, twice and her picture is gone and in its place are words she is familiar with.

**Alone**  [ _adjective_ ]: separate, apart, or isolated from others.

After she reads the words, traces them over and over again with the tips of her fingers, she finally slams the book closed and returns it to the empty space left behind where she had pulled it from.

Now, if only the gaping hole inside of her chest could be filled that easily…

“I was wondering where I’d find you. It’s getting late, I thought you’d be in bed by now.”

Cordelia drops her hand from the rigid spine of the dictionary and turns slightly to regard the woman walking through the door to her office, watches as she closes it and locks it behind her.

“I had some paperwork to finish up,” Cordelia explains and moves to sit down at her desk, and doesn’t acknowledge Misty further as she rounds the desk to sit on the edge of it.

“Are you alright?”

Cordelia gathers the papers spread across the surface of her desk and places them in a drawer. She keeps her eyes down to avoid those boring into her, although she knows the look she’d surely find if she were to look up—furrowed eyebrows and downturned lips, the picture of concern. Cordelia would never label Misty as predictable, but she has her faces etched into her memory—from concern to anger to amusement and, her personal favorite, arousal. And while Cordelia could say she has been predictable in the way she reacts to Misty, from her kiss to the way she rides her fingers, she knows it’s time to make a change.

And she feels confident in her decision to keep her distance from Misty, to avoid indulging in the taste of her skin and the earthy scent that calls to her. She will avoid the magic that seeks her out whenever they are together. Cordelia will not let Misty Day break her like this.

Not tonight, not ever again.

Cordelia needs a reprieve from the routine they have fallen into—the one where Misty takes her into her arms and shows her what is means to be loved in every sense of the word and then leaves her alone in a cold bed that feels much too large for just one person.

Although, when Misty pushes herself off the desk and crouches in front of Cordelia, her hands resting on the tops of her thighs as she does so, she can’t resist. She leans forward to take Misty’s face in her hands and kisses her deep and slow.

Just this one last time, Cordelia tells herself as she kisses Misty harder. If this is it for them, she’s going to pour every ounce of herself into it before she lets it all go.

“Whoa there,” Misty murmurs as she draws back, and Cordelia lets out a shuddering breath as fingers gently brush her cheeks. “Why are you crying, darlin’?”

And— _oh_. Cordelia swipes at the tears and then drops her hands into her lap, where she curls them into fists to avoid fidgeting. Misty covers each fist with her own hand and she runs her thumb in soothing motion over Cordelia’s.

“We need to talk.” 

“What do we need to talk about?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” 

“You can’t do  _what_ , Delia? I’m gonna need you to be a little more specific here.”

Cordelia rolls her chair back and stands up, moves around the desk to put some space between herself and Misty. As the other woman moves to follow her, she holds up a hand and Misty stills immediately. Cordelia crosses her arms over her chest, tries to curl into herself as she tries to find her words. It’s hard, though—it’s so much harder than she could’ve imagined this conversation would be when Misty is feet away from her and is staring at her like doing so hurts her.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep inviting you into my bed because every time I do, I feel a piece of me break off and you take it with you when you leave, and I don’t think you even realize it,” Cordelia says softly. “I’m _so_  in love with you. You’d have to be a fool to not notice how deeply I love you, and you are many things, Misty Day, but you are _not_  a fool.”

“Delia—” Cordelia holds a hand up and again Misty follows the unspoken request.

“I have been trying so hard to talk to you about this, but you shut me down every single time. And I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why, but you only open yourself up to me when you’re fucking me. I don’t know what to do anymore, so… I’m done.”

“Can I say something now?” Misty asks and when Cordelia doesn’t respond, doesn’t do anything except turn away from her, she continues. “I love you, Cordelia. I love you so much it hurts sometimes.”

“I love you so much it _hurts_ _all_ _the_ _time_ ,” Cordelia bites out. “We never agreed to labels, but it feels a lot like we’re together. You sleep in my bed almost every night and you keep your clothes in my closet and we brush our teeth together at my bathroom sink every morning, but you don’t kiss me until you want to fuck me and run and you never let me in. I’ve already had one relationship that was so wrong for me, so full of secrets and a lack of communication, that it nearly killed me. I can’t do anything even remotely like that again. I can’t be with someone who is so determined to keep me at a distance at all times. So I need you to go now. Get out of my office and give me some of that space you’re so desperate for. We’re done.”

> “No.”

“No? No, you won’t leave me alone like you always do?” Cordelia asks in disbelief, a surge of anger running through her. “Fine, then  _I_  will be the one to leave this time.”

And Cordelia is seething as she takes several steps forward and reaches out for the doorknob, but strong hands are suddenly on her waist and pulling her back and she feels Misty’s sturdy body press against her back. Arms slide around her, and she feels herself unable to move.

“Let me go,” Cordelia hisses as she struggles to remove herself from the Misty’s hold.

“No,” Misty says again gently. “I’m not going anywhere and I’m sure as hell not letting you walk out that door, darlin’.”

Cordelia finally stops struggling and finds herself leaning into Misty, her hands holding on to her forearms as she tries to ground herself.

“Why not?” she asks quietly. “You’ve done it.”

“You’re right, I have. I’ve done so many things that I’m not proud of, and I understand where all your anger is coming from. I can feel everything you’re feeling right now and everything you’ve been holding onto, like it’s something I could reach out and touch,” Misty tells her. “My actions haven’t been fair to you. It’s not right for me to simply take what I want from you without giving you anything in return. It’s not right for me to withhold things from you and pretend I’m fine when I’m not. I’m afraid that my time in hell has damaged me beyond repair, and that no amount of time or healing will bring me back to who I used to be. I’m all jagged edges and sharp angles and I’m afraid that I’ll only hurt you if I allow you to get any closer.”

“I think it’s too late to worry about hurting me,” Cordelia says with a short laugh that is completely devoid of humor.

“I know,” Misty acknowledges and finally draws away from her. “I’m sorry. I’ll be going now.”

And although Misty is attempting to do what she requested of her several minutes prior, she ignores the words and turns to face Misty. She finds purchase in Misty’s tank top and tugs her down into a heated kiss. Their lips part and Cordelia nearly swoons as Misty’s tongue strokes her own, and she has to withdraw as she begins to feel lightheaded.

“I’m not afraid of you hurting me by being who you are. I can’t imagine that anyone could leave hell and remain unscathed, and I  _have_  seen the changes in you,” Cordelia says. “I’ve seen them and they don’t scare me. I’ve loved you forever and that won’t change, regardless of how much  _we_  do—and we  _will,_ both of us _._ Change is inevitable.”

Misty rests her forehead on Cordelia’s shoulder and exhales heavily, her arms once again winding around Cordelia, only this time Cordelia does the same and doesn’t hesitate to hold her close.

“I can’t promise I won’t get scared, but I’m not going to run away from this—from you anymore. I swear it,” Misty vows. And then, “Can I stay with you tonight?”

“You can stay with me forever,” Cordelia says, and feels the head against her shoulder nod in agreement.

“Yeah, okay,” Misty whispers and lifts her head. She brings her hand up and around , her fingers briefly brushing parted lips before she catches them with her own. And when she slowly retreats, there is a twinkle in her bright blue eyes that Cordelia has never seen before. “I’ll stay with you forever.”


End file.
